:: PASSION vs DRIVE ::

So today I’m feeling some kind of something … speechless with such a great sense of CLARITY. Un-named feelings flutter around my big ole head as I try to make sense of some things. Well I actually know what some of the feelings are but I don’t want to say-here, maybe I’ll right them in my morning pages to address them properly.

When I first decided I wanted to become a make-up artist before entering into the world of paint and passion I had to decide which avenue I wanted to take. Make-up artist is a vague term … there are so many avenues to travel. I’ve always been attracted to fashion. Be it magazines, the fashion channel or on the faces of nameless folks I pass on the street. The folks, who have the “AUDICITY” to truly express themselves, kick ass. Because it’s all about audacity, attitude follows, among the count-less clones.

But I digress …

Getting back on the subject … once I told myself my heart was on the editorial side of the business I felt a certain pull. Things begin to come naturally … there was a melodic flow to this beginning cycle. Certainly not an easy one to triumph but I like most was up for the challenge. I told myself I didn’t want to be a “Wedding” make-up artist … I saw that as a trap. Like Effie White in Dreamgirl’s – “Singing back up is a trap” … I’d rather become a sought after make-up artist and be requested to do weddings, but I certainly didn’t want to market myself as such, and I didn’t no matter what the temptation was. I tried to one day but during the process I become bored. It wasn’t me. Like AustinPowers, “That’s not my bag, baby … I swear”.

If I saw a photographer who photographed weddings I was immediately turned off from his work and would be reluctant to shoot with him. As with working at the counter, I love free-lancing at the counter – well I found I tricked myself into loving it. I started to focus on the money, and then I found myself turning down gigs that I’d much rather be doing, gigs that would create better substance for my working portfolio. As daunting as it may seem it paid some bills, so I trade one 9 to 5 for another? I begin to treat it like a "JOB" and like most "JOBS" we're reluctant to go to ... I didn't want that for my colored life. At least at a desk I can pretend I’m working while setting up shoots and contacting folks, and my feet and back don’t ache as much at the end of the day.

I begin to pick and choose my shoots with a more decisive eye, I never found myself just shooting with ANYONE but my caliber of photographers, models and stylist to work with grew and changed along with my passion and drive. Some kind of way I knew I needed all these aspects to make a great picture. If shooting with you was NOT going to allow my picture to be comparable to what’s in the magazines at that time then why waste it. TIME! AUDICITY! I loved it. I had direction, vision and goals. Getting responses from people I had only dreamed of working with sent me on such a high. Even if the response was a little advice or direction there dialect was exchanged. For a moment this person knew who CRYSTAL MARIA was. They saw something. This AUDICITY has abled me to work with amazingly talented artist who's work can still be seen in my book some 3-4 years later! (see opening image)

Then I explore ... I want to someday do movies, I’d done what was expected for my market at the time (DC) but now I want major titles … and I will get them. Who as an artist wouldn’t love working alongside a key named Ve’Neil on the next Johnny Depp film. She’s amazing. So thinking ahead I take a course in special FX make-up and I love it. I find for me it’s about the process of creating. Yet and still my heart goes back to Editorial … it’s always about the images, but I have options now and I’m always looking to expand.

So I fall in love with highly skilled make-up artist like, Rebecca Sommers, Alice G., Polly Osmond and of course Pat McGrath. I mean she really change how I look at make-up and Runway. I now saw Runway as this lively animated attractive fashion show and I wanted to be amidst the chaos. A walking story straight out of Italian Vouge and I wanted some … so I; being a native east-coaster always dreamed of NY fashion week! I mean outside of Paris (who were always treading 6 months behind), that’s where it all happens. But it didn’t happen, not for me. I couldn’t find my loop hole … I think I was trying to soon, I grew tired of the hunt and focused on what I knew. Editorial. I knew I wanted more... and I knew it would come in due time. So a couple weeks into me moving to LA I get to do LA Fashion Week and I’m shocked, it’s just happened upon me, me seeking out some EDITORIAL , new contact and loot I was asked to join in rank. I experienced backstage chaos and I loved it, I’m sure it has nothing onBryant Park but I’ll take it, and I did … take it. It was such a rush … it left a taste in my mouth that sung out for MORE.

(look at - I even painted her little white nails ... which later became smudged from her idle time texting)
I inhaled the moment and soon realized that all the things in my life struggles and all were put in place to prepare me for the journey I’m on now. EVERYTHING every single minute of my life including the people, lessons and burned bridges were steps. Steps marked I DARE YOU, AUDICITY, LIVE, SELF-WORTH, ADVERSITY, UN-COMPROMISING, FAITH, COURAGE … and the list goes on…

If your passionate about something you don’t know how to CUT the passion off, there is no limit. You find out what works for you and what doesn’t and you work at it. Passion doesn’t allow you to rest at the root of someone else’s dreams or settle in fear of no security or structure. Passion burns. It’s a screeching you can’t ignore. If your Driven ... what drives you?

This is one that you really have to be honest with yourself about.

I was once asked if I thought it was better to have Passion or to have drive?
I’ll let you decide, I know my answer.

Thanks for stopping by!